Jacob was 3 weeks this past Saturday. Grandma Kyle came and babysat him for the very first time. Brian and I ran some errands and went to lunch. It was weird.The weekend was really nice as Brian let me sleep in both days and he took care of Jacob during the night. Gosh how I miss sleep.
During the first few days when the baby blues would hit me, it would always be around the time the sun set. As soon as it started to get dark, I was filled with anxiety and fear. I hated whenever my parents or Brian's parents would leave. I felt more secure with "grown ups" here. Wait a minute. I'm 31 years old, I AM a grownup?!?! But how come it doesn't feel like it? I've decided I don't want to be the grownup?!?! Yes, I know
Jacob survived his very first thunderstorm and power outage. He handled everything better than I did. He pretty much slept through it. I sat here on the edge of my chair because it was extremely windy and the lightening was weird. I thought for sure we'd get a tornado. Then the power went out and I really got nervous. Brian's power normally doesn't go out. Think back to the blackout we experienced a couple years ago. So many were without power, but not Brian's street. Then again during the Oct storm, it didn't go out right away.
Now that Brian is back to work, the baby blues have reared their ugly heads again only this time I fear the sun rise. That means I'm totally alone with Jacob. I dread the day and look forward to the sun setting. I don't like hearing my baby boy cry and cry and me not be able to console him. I change him, I feed him, I rub his back, I put him in the swing, I turn on the music, I put him in his boppy bouncer, I put him in his boppy pillow, I walk around with him, I use the bjorn carrier, I make silly faces and sounds. NOTHING works.
While I say this, we are very fortunate, because Jacob really is a good baby. It's just that sometimes he gets really fussy and that's when I tend to panic. Every day it does get a little better.
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