3rd week

*Note this is the first of 3 new posts*
Jacob was 3 weeks this past Saturday. Grandma Kyle came and babysat him for the very first time. Brian and I ran some errands and went to lunch. It was weird.

The weekend was really nice as Brian let me sleep in both days and he took care of Jacob during the night. Gosh how I miss sleep.

During the first few days when the baby blues would hit me, it would always be around the time the sun set. As soon as it started to get dark, I was filled with anxiety and fear. I hated whenever my parents or Brian's parents would leave. I felt more secure with "grown ups" here. Wait a minute. I'm 31 years old, I AM a grownup?!?! But how come it doesn't feel like it? I've decided I don't want to be the grownup?!?! Yes, I know it's too late, Jacob is here and I have no choice.

Jacob survived his very first thunderstorm and power outage. He handled everything better than I did. He pretty much slept through it. I sat here on the edge of my chair because it was extremely windy and the lightening was weird. I thought for sure we'd get a tornado. Then the power went out and I really got nervous. Brian's power normally doesn't go out. Think back to the blackout we experienced a couple years ago. So many were without power, but not Brian's street. Then again during the Oct storm, it didn't go out right away.

Now that Brian is back to work, the baby blues have reared their ugly heads again only this time I fear the sun rise. That means I'm totally alone with Jacob. I dread the day and look forward to the sun setting. I don't like hearing my baby boy cry and cry and me not be able to console him. I change him, I feed him, I rub his back, I put him in the swing, I turn on the music, I put him in his boppy bouncer, I put him in his boppy pillow, I walk around with him, I use the bjorn carrier, I make silly faces and sounds. NOTHING works.

While I say this, we are very fortunate, because Jacob really is a good baby. It's just that sometimes he gets really fussy and that's when I tend to panic. Every day it does get a little better.

Our second week

Brian had to go back to work on the 20th of October, Grandma Kyle came to help out that day. The baby blues reared it's ugly head again as the next day I would be flying solo. I was terrified. The feeding, pumping and even changing the dirty diapers wasn't a concern. What if Jacob started to cry and I was unable to console him. And that's exactly what happened. It seems like every other day he's fussy and there's not a thing I can do to fix it. It's extremely stressful and frustrating. I feel like a failure most days. I'm trying to juggle all this stuff at the same time and feel like I get nothing accomplished. I know it will get easier, but for the moment it's hard and I just want to lay my head down and cry.

We did move back upstairs and really I wish we had done so sooner, it's so much more comfortable. Course the swelling is gone (took about a week for that to go away) I actually can see my ankle bones again hahaha. I get up in the night with Jacob so that Brian can try to get a good night's sleep. Then when he comes home from work he takes over.

We gave Jacob his first sponge bath a few days after we had him home. He absolutely loves it when you poor warm water over his head. I was afraid he'd shriek, but nope. He lays back and the look on his face is priceless. That of course changes when you try to clean the rest of him. He can get fussy especially once you get to the bottom half. He does not like to be undressed.

Our first week home

We came home from the hospital on Wed 10/8 around 8 pm. I was a nervous wreck. I joked around about how the hospital staff was like your "Verizon Network" and as we drove away from the hospital, I lost my network. Brian and I were now on our own 24/7. Of course our friends and family are here to help/offer advice. But it's not the same as being in the hospital and hitting that red button on your tv controller for a nurse to come in. I cried and cried the whole way home. So many what if's flooded my thoughts. What if I can't do this? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I don't know what to do? What if I don't hear him cry?

Mom and Kenny were here with us for a quick dinner and to help us get settled. When they left, I stood in the doorway and just sobbed. Now we were really alone. Alone with this strange new, little person. Jacob didn't do much at first. I blame myself for all the drugs I had taken in the hospital. We didn't even have to swaddle him that first night. We had him in a onesie and a sleep sack.

It was so uncomfortable in bed. I had tried to prop myself up on pillows as well as have my feet elevated. From the calves down I looked like the elephant man. I didn't recognize myself. I didn't know my feet could get that swollen. They were so tight and hurt so bad. It was horrible. Needless to say after that first night, I decided to sleep downstairs in the recliner. It was more like a hospital bed. I told Brian he could stay upstairs but he refused saying, if I had to sleep downstairs, both he & Jacob would sleep downstairs as well. So we all moved downstairs.

I have the BEST husband in the world. Brian has been so supportive and so helpful throughout this entire situation. I don't know how I got so lucky. He slept on the couch for almost 2 weeks just for me. He was the first one to jump up and tend to Jacob's cries whether it be for a poopy diaper or just some TLC. He understood what a difficult time I was having. Both with the recovery as well as the baby blues. I'm so thankful for that and very happy that he is my husband.

We had our first doctor's appointment the day after getting home. Everything and I mean everything takes soooo much longer to do when you add a baby to the mix. I was estatic that we would be getting there on time, especially with it being our first outing with Jacob. Minutes before we were to walk out the door, our precious one filled his diaper and we had to take him out of the car seat, undress, change diaper, redress, get him back into the car seat, get the car seat in the car. Phewww!! We just made it too. hahaha. Thank goodness the office is right around the corner.

Brian was home with us for 2 weeks starting from the time Jacob was born and Grandma Kyle stopped in regularly to help out. I thought it would be a piece of cake. Stay tuned.

Our little man is growing

We had our 2nd doctor's appointment today. The first one was the day after we came home from the hospital and he weighed in at 8lbs 13 oz. The doctor said everything looked good and wasn't concerned about the billirubin levels. He said as long as he's gaining weight, that's all we care about.

Birth weight 9lbs 4 oz
Coming home weight 8lbs 11 oz
1st Doc appt 8lbs 13 oz
2nd Doc appt 9lbs .6oz

Last night his umbilical cord fell off. That makes me feel better about diaper/clothes changes. I was too nervous around it, afraid I would make it fall off prematurely or hurt him in some way.

Jacob is also growing in length. He is up to 22 inches, which is 1 1/2 more than when he was born and his head measures in at 15 cm. The nurse practitioner said everything looks great and she was rather impressed with how laid back and happy he was. We are very blessed to have such a great baby. Keep your fingers crossed that he stays this way. haha.

Introducing Jacob Daniel Sibiga

Birth Story

Warning...this might contain too much info that you didn't really need or want to know, but I want to be able to remember all the details in the years to come, so here is the story of Jacob's birth. It will also be a very long post.

Friday night 10/3, I was feeling uncomfortable and after polishing off almost an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream (like that would make me feel better) I decided to go to bed somewhat early. As usual trying to get comfortable in bed was nearly impossible and at about 1:10am, I got up to use the bathroom. Nothing out of the ordinary. While I was sitting there something weird happened and I thought to myself, what the heck was that? Did I just lose my mucous plug? Nahhh can't be. Then came the infamous water gush and I thought, my water just broke. I was in total disbelief and just sat there, I felt a little bit of excitement, like butterflies in my stomach excitement and I continued to sit there. I had absolutely no clue what to do. Doh! 9 mos of preparing and I was lost, dazed and confused (and half asleep).

I went into the bedroom and started to rub Brian's arm, he didn't realize I was standing next to him and started to turn over towards where I would normally be lying. I said hey, I think my water just broke and he groggily was like really? He too wasn't sure what to do. Do I call my mom? Do I call the doctor? Of course I needed to do both, but which first? Was it really my water or just my imagination. I looked for the mucous plug but didn't see it, so I thought I had to be dreaming, but it felt so real. Then I had this weird sensation and I ran back to the bathroom and the water gushed again. I started to giggle like a goofball. It was really happening. I never expected the water to keep gushing. I thought when your water broke it was either a trickle that was easy to deal with or a big gush and it was over. Nope, not me. At one point I was stuck on the toilet because every time I tried to get up it would gush again. Sorry, I warned you about too much info. LOL!!

I grabbed the phone and called the doctor. I was assuming an answering service would answer, but instead got this automated message...a very LONG winded automated message and when I chose the option I needed it got me nowhere. I hung up, called back, waited thru that long winded message again and realized I was supposed to have chosen another option and finally got through. The doctor advised me to head to the hospital within the next couple of hours and she would notify them I would be coming in. I ran around the house making sure I had everything I needed, jumped in the shower and at that time called my mom. Her and Kenny would meet us at the house and follow us to the hospital. (I had decided to have Brian & mom in the room w/ me while delivering). When it was time to leave, Brian was so nervous and impatient, we actually sat in the car waiting for my parents, when they didn't get here by 3, Brian started the car and proceeded down to the end of the driveway where he sat for the next 5 minutes or so. I finally told him to shut the car off as I'm sure the neighbors didn't appreciate our headlights shining into their bedroom. LOL!! Finally around 5 after, we decided to head out w/o my parents. Little did we know what they were going through just for a cup of coffee.

We got to the hospital and headed up to L&D. At first the nurses ignored us and finally one looked my way and I said my water broke. We went into the exam room where I changed and found out at that point I was maybe 1 1/2 cm dilated. My heart sank into my chest, I had this feeling it would be a long night. I was hoping for more progress since it seemed with my water breaking, my body was doing what it was supposed to. My parents arrived and the nurse basically told them to go home. They were going to insert the Cervidal and that would stay in for 12 hours to get the cervix to soften and then they would start the Pitocin. Nothing would be happening anytime soon. I started to cry because I didn't want my mom to leave, but I wasn't about to argue with the nurse because she was right, no sense for them to sit around with nothing happening. I also was freaked out about the Pitocin, I felt like I had no chance doing this without drugs if I had to be induced.

They wheeled me to my L&D room and about 5:15am inserted the Cervidal. You always here about how you lose all modesty during childbirth but I didn't realize how quickly that happens. I didn't even panic when a male doctor came in to check. I remember them saying something about an anterior placenta and how it was so high up and far back. They had a difficult time putting the Cervidal in. I also didn't realize that the Cervidal brings on contractions. At first things were okay and then the contractions became more and more painful. Around12:30ish, they decided to start the Pitocin and I said can I call my mom now? Each time they would check me I wouldn't be much further along than the previous time and I kept refusing drugs because I didn't want them to stop working when I would need them the most. My parent's arrived and after a little while longer, I gave in and got the epidural. That was pretty painful but once it was in, I felt so much better and was able to sleep. At some point around this time, I was like let's just get a freaking c-section so that it can be over with. Then they tell me they are inserting the foley catheter and I started to cry. All the things I feared most, I was having to endure.

Now, they say you can't feel the catheter and it's no big deal blah blah blah. Let me just tell you. I freaking felt it. I felt it going in, I felt it while it was in and I felt it when they took it out. None of it was pleasant at all. In fact I cried so much about it that they ended up giving me a shot of Nubain and used some numbing analgesic to numb the area. Once they did that I was fine with it in until the moment they took it out. I had to have the epidural topped off twice for the pain. Most of it was for the catheter (prior to the shot/analgesic). It was Saturday evening before I hit 91/2 cm and I felt the urge to push but was told I couldn't because there was still a little lip that hadn't opened and you can't push until you are 10 full cm dilated. I struggled really bad with this because I had to push so bad and it was hard not to. Finally, I'm guessing time wise, around 10:30ish pm I could push. I was told how well I was pushing and how it should have been working but for whatever reason it was not. It felt so good to push too. After a couple of pushes and with me being so exhausted from the whole ordeal, my doctor said nothing is happening and as soon as the words c-section left her mouth I was like YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

They wheel me to the operating room and thank god with all the drugs I didn't need a spinal. I don't know if I could have handled that, but I didn't want to be put out because I really wanted to be able to see Jacob as soon as he was born. Okay, so now I'm thinking c-section, this should be easy. Yeah right. You see, I was so blessed with having a great pregnancy that delivering was a nightmare for me. Enough to make me rethink having baby #2 and definitely not baby #3.

I feel a lot of pressure and tugging and at 11:07pm, Jacob Daniel Sibiga was born. They dropped the curtain so that I could see him and I was so happy he was finally here and things looked good. Brian left my side to go take pics of Jacob and I started to feel this uncomfortable feeling behind my sternum and then in my stomach. It started to get worse and when Brian brought Jacob over, I cried for Brian to take him away because I was going to be sick. They did manage to get a picture of us and the anaesthesiologist put a tray next to my head in case I threw up. While this is happening, they are pushing and kneading my insides which is only making things worse. I start to dry heave and finally throw up. They keep kneading and pushing and because I'm so uncomfortable I start to panic thinking I just have to get away from here. Who cares if all my insides aren't back in and I have this huge gaping whole in my abdomen. I have to get up from this table and I have to do it now. The anaesthesiologist is trying to calm me down but he can't, so they give me more drugs. I think I fell asleep for a moment and then after what seemed like an eternity they were done. Total time in labor 22 hours.

They wheel me back to my room and I get to really see Jacob. He's absolutely beautiful with his squinty eyes and full head of brown hair. Everything was perfect about him. Brian and I absolutely adore him. Stay tuned for more on our hospital stay...coming soon.

Quick Update

Pheww! We made it! 22 hours of grueling labor and 1 C-Section later, Jacob Daniel Sibiga arrived on October 4th, 2008 at 11:07 pm. He weighed 9lbs and 4oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. We are all doing fine. I'm working on a more elaborate post, so stay tuned. Will also post pictures soon. Loveya all!

Here's our Nursery.

Okay so here it is. Our nursery. Now it's still not complete, but I know everyone has been asking and wanting to know why there weren't pictures posted. I did better, I did a video for you so HA!

We will be putting up a wall hanging of Jacob's firsts (Halloween, smile, tooth) over the cube organizer, we just need to get the right hanger for it. Brian has finished staining the bedroom door, so now all we have to do is put it up. Pay no attention to the junk in the hallway. There are a few more pieces of trim to be done both inside the room and the closet. The two pictures above the dresser/changing table my mom made. One is Hey Diddle Diddle and the other is Jack & Jill. She did an awesome job, they are so cool looking. The stuffed moon & cow in the corner is a prize that Brian won for Jacob at the Erie County Fair, works perfectly with our theme.

The mobile above the crib wouldn't fit on the crib so we had to hang that from the ceiling. There are 4 beautiful hand made blankets hanging on the crib. The two in the back were made by my supervisor at work. The blue one to the right was made by my best friend's mom, who is also like a mom to me. The one to the left was made by a friend I made in college. It's different from the rest because it is a hooded blanket. I can't wait to use them with Jacob because they are all so soft and cuddly. And then of course the mother goose quilt that came with the bedding. I wish you could really see Jacob's name above the crib, the pictures/video just don't do them any justice. They are really neat and not just because Jacob's mommy made them either. hahaha

In the corner where the standing light is, we will be putting our glider/ottoman. It's in now, so we just have to pay for it and go pick it up. The problem is that it's in West Seneca, kind of a drive during the week and the past few weekends have been so hectic. I also have to hang mini blinds in the window. It was too bright outside, so you weren't really able to check out the valance, but it matches the crib bedding. And last but not least the "Little Stinker" picture was painted for Jacob by my Aunt Kim.

The other big project in the nursery that needs to be done is the closet. We have the shelving for it and the new doors, just have to get in there and get it done. Hopefully it will be done by this weekend. I'm not worried about the doors, but I would like to get the shelves put in, so we can hang Jacob's clothes and have extra storage.

I'm still feeling great. He just is not ready to make his appearance yet. Stubborn just like his mom haha. That's alright though, he'll come when he's ready and when that time comes it will be perfect and it will be right.

Okay, so the poll has closed for voting when Jacob will arrive. For those of you who voted that he would be stubborn and take his sweet time. Guess what? It looks as though you all may be right. grr! Granted my due date is this coming Sunday, so anything can still happen but at my appt last night, she said no progress. He's still living life up in my ribs (though thank goodness I can't feel him). My next appt is next Wed 10/8 and I will be 3 days late. They will do a sonogram, check my amniotic level and do a non stress test and then schedule a date to induce.

I'm totally loving being pregnant and if this were just the beginning and I had mos left to go, I'd be okay with that. Some days are more uncomfortable than others, but for the most part I have had an awesome pregnancy. Here comes the but..........BUT I don't want him to be late either. We're all stocked up on evening primrose oil and I'm going to try the sub w/ oil and not mayo (thanks Ellen) for dinner. Any other ideas???

One good thing that came out of yesterday. My bag is finally all packed and ready to go. Now, I had most of it packed to begin with as Brian has been hounding me since week 33. lol But there were a few things to add to the mix. Hey, I'm still using my Ipod and we needed the camera for Brian's fundraiser. haha. So how did the bag finally get all packed you ask? I was on the phone with my mom and started to feel very uncomfortable. I started to have contractions. At first I thought they were the BH ones, but not only was it difficult to breathe, it was painful too. That was something new to me because any BH contractions that I felt before weren't painful. So I'm running around the house still talking to mom, grabbing the last few items for the bag and getting ready for the appt. Before I knew it, the bag was completely packed and ready to go. Now I can cross that one off my list and I won't be harassed about it any longer. LOL!!!