Crying over spilled milk

How does the saying go? Don't cry over spilled milk? Um, what about when you consider that milk to be liquid gold, can you cry over it then? Well I can actually say I've done it, not once but twice in the last 2 days.

My initial plans were to breastfeed. Due to jaundice we had to supplement in the hospital. Some babies have no problem switching from breast to bottle but Jacob wasn't one of them. Feedings were a nightmare between keeping him awake and getting him to stay latched on. So I started pumping.

Exclusively pumping is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can't wait for the day I can stop. Every 3 hours, around the clock, I had to pump. In the beginning I was lucky if I got 2 oz total. Once I was done pumping, I had to store the milk, then hand wash the pump parts and put them away. When Jacob would wake up during the night, I would have to put his bottle on to warm, change his diaper, feed him, put him in his crib and then come back downstairs to pump. Now that Jacob sleeps through the night, I have dropped my middle of the night pump. It's a real PITA but it's worth it to me because I know Jacob is still able to get breast milk. We joke that the milk is liquid gold and that he has to finish every last drop in the bottle. None can be wasted.

Not long after I started pumping, I was able to start a freezer stash, I currently have close to 700 oz frozen. Right now I'm hoping to make it to 6 mos of actual pumping. My plan is to be able to have Jacob continue on breast milk until he is able to switch over to cow's milk. Because frozen milk is only good for so long, we had to start rotating the stash (which has taken over our chest freezer). Sunday I was in the garage organizing the milk when one of the bags tipped over and crashed to the floor. The sound was absolutely horrifying. There were bags everywhere. Frozen breast milk is very fragile. If you knock the bags around once frozen they have been known to leak upon thawing. Here's where I first cried over the "spilled milk". My hard work, all the time and energy I spent pumping, storing, freezing and I'll probably lose some of those precious ounces. Do you think I could be lucky enough that this particular bag was the next in line to be rotated? Nahhh! No such luck. This bag could have stayed frozen for another couple months. But I can't take the chance of it being freezer burned due to cracks in the bags so I have to use it now. I also have to hope I can get through this bag and the one I was supposed to have been using, so that bag doesn't go bad. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Today, Jacob woke up at 7 and we went through our usual routine. Then I came downstairs to pump. I decided to pump a little longer to see if I could get an extra ounce or two. My persistence paid off and I had 2 full bottles. I was in the kitchen transferring them to the storage bottles when I accidentally knocked one over. Arghhhhhhhhhh! The extra ounces I worked so hard to get are now lost all over the counter. C'mon can't I catch a little break? So here I am in the kitchen, cold and tired and crying over spilled liquid gold, ehh I mean milk.