My sweet baby

Crying over spilled milk

How does the saying go? Don't cry over spilled milk? Um, what about when you consider that milk to be liquid gold, can you cry over it then? Well I can actually say I've done it, not once but twice in the last 2 days.

My initial plans were to breastfeed. Due to jaundice we had to supplement in the hospital. Some babies have no problem switching from breast to bottle but Jacob wasn't one of them. Feedings were a nightmare between keeping him awake and getting him to stay latched on. So I started pumping.

Exclusively pumping is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can't wait for the day I can stop. Every 3 hours, around the clock, I had to pump. In the beginning I was lucky if I got 2 oz total. Once I was done pumping, I had to store the milk, then hand wash the pump parts and put them away. When Jacob would wake up during the night, I would have to put his bottle on to warm, change his diaper, feed him, put him in his crib and then come back downstairs to pump. Now that Jacob sleeps through the night, I have dropped my middle of the night pump. It's a real PITA but it's worth it to me because I know Jacob is still able to get breast milk. We joke that the milk is liquid gold and that he has to finish every last drop in the bottle. None can be wasted.

Not long after I started pumping, I was able to start a freezer stash, I currently have close to 700 oz frozen. Right now I'm hoping to make it to 6 mos of actual pumping. My plan is to be able to have Jacob continue on breast milk until he is able to switch over to cow's milk. Because frozen milk is only good for so long, we had to start rotating the stash (which has taken over our chest freezer). Sunday I was in the garage organizing the milk when one of the bags tipped over and crashed to the floor. The sound was absolutely horrifying. There were bags everywhere. Frozen breast milk is very fragile. If you knock the bags around once frozen they have been known to leak upon thawing. Here's where I first cried over the "spilled milk". My hard work, all the time and energy I spent pumping, storing, freezing and I'll probably lose some of those precious ounces. Do you think I could be lucky enough that this particular bag was the next in line to be rotated? Nahhh! No such luck. This bag could have stayed frozen for another couple months. But I can't take the chance of it being freezer burned due to cracks in the bags so I have to use it now. I also have to hope I can get through this bag and the one I was supposed to have been using, so that bag doesn't go bad. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Today, Jacob woke up at 7 and we went through our usual routine. Then I came downstairs to pump. I decided to pump a little longer to see if I could get an extra ounce or two. My persistence paid off and I had 2 full bottles. I was in the kitchen transferring them to the storage bottles when I accidentally knocked one over. Arghhhhhhhhhh! The extra ounces I worked so hard to get are now lost all over the counter. C'mon can't I catch a little break? So here I am in the kitchen, cold and tired and crying over spilled liquid gold, ehh I mean milk.

I'm pregnant!!!!

Hee! Gotcha! One year ago today I found out I was pregnant. WOW! The year has flown by faster than I ever could have imagined. I miss being pregnant so much, in fact I can't wait to be pregnant again. Whoah huh? Just a few months ago I was done, never having any more kids. Now I'm ready for #2. But I'd like them to be at least 2 years apart. So maybe in another year. That gives me time to change my mind at least a few times ; ) I promise I'll try to get some pics up this week and the new video.

Let me see that tootsee roll!!

Yay!!!!!! Jacob rolled over this morning not once but TWICE! Of course you'd think I would have had the camera ready for the second time but I just sat here in awe. Brian was trying to hold on to him but he was squirming all over the place, so Brian put him on his belly and the next thing you know Jacob was on his back. I was like whaa?????? Brian picked him up and put him back down on his belly. Jacob didn't like that too much and within seconds was on his back again. The look on his face was priceless. Sort of dazed and confused, like whoahhh what just happened?

Jacob is able to hold on to things now. He especially likes mommy's hair. I didn't realize babies could be so strong. Not only is my hair falling out from hormones but also from Jacob pulling on it. I'm going to be bald before I reach 35. If the toy he's holding on to is light enough, he sometimes can give it a toss, though I doubt he realizes what he's doing.

He is sleeping through the night in his crib. He started sleeping through the night on Thanksgiving. We thought he was tuckered out from all the excitement of the day but then he did it again the next night and the next and the next. We broke down and put him in his crib Dec 30th. The only person who didn't sleep through the night was mommy. Even with the video monitor AND the sound monitor right next to my bed. Yup, I have to have 2 monitors on all night long, just in case one goes on the fritz, then I've got a back up. You'd think his room was on the other side of the county. Nope, his room and our room share a wall. When he cries I hear it in stereo.

Other news: I have made my goal of pumping breast milk for 3 months, new goal is to make it to 6 months. My supply is still going strong and Jacob is now eating 5oz every 3-4 hours (except overnight), he's in size 2 diapers (he wears those for Dad at night and on the weekends, Mom uses cloth during the day). He's almost outgrown his 3 mos pj's. We suspect Jacob is in the early stages of teething the way he chews on everything in sight and bathes himself in drool. The other day we saw real tears for the first time. Out of the blue he started crying, I'm talking red faced, howling, eyes welling up with tears crying. We're not sure what happened and as quickly as it started, it was over.

Stay tuned we have another video coming. I just have to decide which one I want to add, we have so many now. Hopefully I can catch him rolling too!

There goes my life.....

I never thought I had what it took to be a mother. Brian and I decided to leave it in God's hands and we knew that he wouldn't steer us in the wrong direction. A year later we were blessed with a beautiful little boy. But I still wasn't sure I was ready. There goes my life. No more sleeping in late on Saturday mornings. We can't just jump in the car to go grab a bite to eat. I can't even do something as simple as taking a quick shower without it being carefully planned out in advance. My selfishness and ever changing hormones made it extremely hard to adjust.

I watched Jacob tonight while he was sleeping and it breaks my heart to remember just how difficult it was in the beginning. My eyes welled up with tears thinking of the seconds, minutes and hours I lost with him. In reality it probably doesn't add up to much, but it feels like a lot to me. I don't think there is anything in my life that I regret more.

I love to stare into his angelic blue eyes, watching his different expressions and seeing his toothless smile. I love to blow gentle puffs of air into his face and listen to him laugh. His giggles are the best sound ever. He's adorable when he's tired and shakes his head from side to side before giving in to the nap that only his parents long for. In the morning, after opening the shades, I walk over to his crib and peer in. His face instantly lights up and he flashes me this huge smile. This is how it's supposed to be.


Brian has given Jacob his last bottle for the evening and as he carries him up the stairs to his bedroom I watch and think there goes my life. =)

Ta Da..the long awaited video

Scroll down to the bottom of the page and hit the pause button on the music player to be able to hear the video without the song playing. =)

Recliners and Horses and Bears...OH MY!